In this moment, in this now, I am not living the way of my purpose.
Smoking, drinking, and as my dear friend would say “smoking the marijuanas.”
All things happen for a reason, all things…
Someone might read these words and say “oh, you mean that you have relapsed….”
My response would be that I do not view the above mentioned as anything more severe than watching tv, or even thinking for that matter.
Why? Because all of it occurs within the construct of the egoic mind, which is a false reality.
In my mind, smoking a joint, or taking a shot, is as severe as turning the tv on.
When I develop my apps, or make meditation music, its always from a place in which the “I” writing these words, does not exist.
Writing therefore is as bad as…
Last night, I went fishing with a long time friend. I started fishing a few months ago because I no longer want to eat meat, unless I catch it and am able to thank it for its life before “I” kill it, and eat it.
I do not know why I feel that this is an absolute must, but spiritually I just need to do this.
We were out fishing for a while so I reached into my backpack for a cigarette. My friend who has known me for 6 years has never seen me smoke before… because I gave that s*** up a long time ago.
He didn’t judge because he is not that kind of guy. He and I always talk about spiritual stuff while we fish. He comes from Jamaica so I usually just chill and wait for a bite while I get the privilege of listening all about the spiritual world of Jamaica.
The topic of spirits came up. Evil, neutral, and even angels. He said that in Jamaica, when people smoke, it’s because the person has a spirit with them.
This gave me chills…
Here is why….
I was smoking a joint with a few friends earlier in the week. We were drunk and stoned talking about parallel lives and other dimensions in my condo.
Suddenly, my friend stopped talking and said: “Shane, you have a spirit in your condo.”
My friend is very spiritually in tune, some would say that she is a light bringer.
When the topic of spirits came up while fishing, specifically, the spirits that make you want to smoke, I was alarmed and noticed the synchronicity.
As I’m writing this now, I feel this “spirit” in my condo.
It’s been here since October 3rd, the day my heart was broke.
After fishing last night, other friends wanted to hangout around 3am. And yeah, we smoked a joint. He and his girlfriend wanted me to listen to something on YouTube.
I said: “What?”
They said “Lindsey Stirling, have you heard of her?”
So, I watched the video and was extremely moved.
Here it is:
For whatever reason, this awakens my soul… abruptly!
It makes me, no demands of me, that I get back on purpose.
Take the above for what it’s worth, but that’s where I’m at, in my life, in this now.
I wish that all of the answers were contained within the apps that I develop, but that is fraudulent.
We all go through things that cannot be explained in the now, perhaps down the road, but not in the now.